Frustration, although quite painful at times, is a very positive and essential part of success. 

-Bo Bennet

 
“Life” has several definitions depending on the narrator’s life!. isn’t it? 

I am not a philosopher nor a psychiatrist! Neither do I believe in things that I don’t see or feel. All I believe is Logic! “Logic” is somthing which makes sense to me.

Though people say that believing in logic is being too practical or too mechanical! And some Spiritual Gurus may even say:

“Believe in LOVE, forget about Logic and materialistic world!… Start loving each other… blaa blaaa blaa… and blaaaaa….. ”

May be I have not yet attained that much of maturity or may be I don’t want to love what I don’t like and truth remains that Love is the one which binds us to things or people! Love makes us stupid, ignorant of other things which matters to us and ignorant to the people to whom we matter! I say logic may not yield results but it definitely helps to identify the very cause and even a possible remedy!

.

Its too early for me to comment on defenetion of life cuz I have seen very less of it yet! At first, I thought Childhood was the only time when I never had frustration! Lot of people may agree to it but when I look at my life keeping it under a lens, “Frustration” has, is will always be a “SHADOW”. A Shadow that even followed in darkness!! It is just known by different names at different stages of life!

Wait what??? You don’t agree?? You never faced frustration till now??? Atleast not in childhood??

Come on…. If you are thinking this it clearly means you don’t know the very defenition of it!!

Frustration in most generic terms is defined as

“Feeling accompanied by the experience of failure to attain what you want!”

Please allow me to give you a clearer picture:

Childhood/Teenage:

How did you feel when:-

• You couldn’t pass the Exams!
• For those who passed, you couldn’t score more marks!
• For the topper of the class, there is another person in different class who has scored much more marks!
• For the ultimate topper, people are jealous and even friends are back-stabbing!
• When your crush is not even looking at you and instead giggling with another incapable, lethargic and ignorant person!
• You prepared your assignment with lot of care and concern but your teacher could only see the mistakes in it and all your hard work and dreams about getting a pat on the back was just flushed in gutter!
• You tried your best to get atleast a single place in any sports event on your sport’s day but only got injured and did not even win consollation prize!
• You just wanted to lift one trophy (no matter how small) on the annual day celebrations but couldn’t!
• Your best friend betrays you and tells your “secrets” to your enemy!! ( Reminder: I am still telling about childhood!! )
• You expected to get atleast 5 to 6 juniors to hang around you in the ‘Send off’ party and no ones bothers looking at you!
• You are totally groomed to impress your crush and wore the best dress you have on your birthday and just waited for one glimpse from him/her for the whole day!!…. Still didn’t get one!
• You did well in exams but your parents are not happy that you didn’t get any prize in sports!
• You did well in sports but your parents are not happy that you didn’t score well in academics!
• Worst case: You did well in both academic and sports still your parents are not happy because one of their cousin’s son/daughter is more disciplined and behaves better than you!
• Your younger brother or sister takes away the lime light from you and is appreciated even if she/she lifts a small pebble and you are blamed even after you lift a mountain!
• Not in above case? Your elder brother or sister knows what is good for you and what is not and is jealous of you!
• Not in either of the above two cases! Then my friend, you felt very lonely cuz you didn’t have a sibling to care and share!!
• Ultimate Winner: You want to die but are afraid that it may hurt!!

See….. Though you had ‘the best time’ in your childhood, you couldn’t escape from ‘Frustration’… !

Go to top.

………

Adulthood:

This is the time when you actually realize that there is something called “Frustration” in life!

The ‘Awesome’ feeling when:

• You took such a long time to complete your degree that already your friends are earning and have a job title in their name!
• You didn’t fail at all?? Ok… You passed but didn’t score enough to attain your “Dream Job”. So you settle for a job that you don’t like.
• Oh! You did get your dream job?? Ok… Then your dream job is no where near to your ‘Dream’! Your job is to do exactly what you hate to do!!
• Hummm…. None of the above !! BRAVO!! You are one of the few lucky! Or your parents or relatives are very ‘influenced’ Big-Shots haan?? Fine… Ok.. you somehow reached there… But what about your peers who don’t even perform a quarter of what you do and get more perks and pay!
• You were happy on the first day of your “NEW JOB ” only then you realized that you are actually being ‘used’ day and night to help another person to attain his/her goal who is inturn being ‘used’ to help some other person to attain his/her goal… and this loop goes on till you reach the dead end called… The Owner?? No…The  “Customer!”…
• Didn’t bother to go to a job?? Started own business haan?? Good… Then how about some stranger (possibly a customer)  walks in your shop and charges you with all his frustrations on your product and service!
• You think you are settled and yet your bank balance is almost nill by the end of the month!
• You try to save every penny possible but your savings fall right in to a pot which has a hole in it! i.e., You fill it from one end and it slowly slips away from the other end!
• You are losing hairs every day and you loose more hairs because you are frustrated that you are losing hairs!!!
• Your friends have all found their so called soul-mates and you are yet to get an attention from your ‘person’.
• The person whom you love is already committed elsewhere!
• You love a person and you propose with great hope and faith and that person says “NO”..
• Ok… If you were lucky, that other person agreed! but couldn’t tolerate you after some time!
• They tolerated you but couldn’t marry you for some mean family reasons and self righteousness!!
• Worse: Your drawers and lockers are all filled with your friends’ and relatives’  marriage invitations and you are not even sure of getting marreid!
• You are married but your spouse is not happy with you and never satisfied with whatever you do.
• Ultimate Winner: You want to die but can’t…..  cuz you are bound by duties towards your parents or siblings or spouse or children or anything else!

Go to top.

………

Old-Age/Second Childhood! :

This is the time when you have faced so much of frustrations already in life that you are frustrated because of frustrations frustrating you in every step of your life!!

Its what you feel when:

• You sacrificed so much for your children only to know that they are busy in their world and are least bothered about you.
• Nothing is going according to what you had planed after your retirement!
• You do not have enough funds in your account to even give a good present to your grand children!
• Your children are out of control and you can’t do anyhting about it cuz they are too old to punish and too young to understand!
• You wanted to achieve something since a long long time, Now you know about it. Now. you can surely do it now… But.. you neither have energy nor your ill-health supports it!
• Half of your diet is actually Pills, Medications and Syrups!!
• You have all the time, money, all the knowledge and all the intelligence to be the most successful person in the world but your butt is stuck in the wheelchair!
• Worse: You feel as if you are a burden on your children!
•  You have so much to talk, so much to educate and so much to tell others but NO ONE IS INTERESTED to listen to an old crap like you !!
• The world seems to move too fast that you can’t adjust to its pace.  Its too immoral to adjust and too much new things to learn!
• You have always shown to your children that you are strong, efficient and elegant  and now even after you are weak and incapable physically, you can’t admit it!!
• You have needs and you still have desires!  But when you show the slightest of it, younger generation makes fun out of it saying “Why does this old chap wants to do this at this time” .. “Wow!! One should behave according to their age”…”    “Why don’t you just think of attaining salvation?”. “Oh Grandma, stop dreaming and just lookafter your grand kids!! “
• You expect your children and family to understand your needs but they are least bothered about it!
• Your soul-mate, your life partner who was with you all these days suddenly leaves you and you don’t have to chance to save them!
• Ultimate Winner:  You want to die and you know how to die but your experience has taught you that it is a sin! You want to die everyday, you challenge the ‘death’ itself to take you away but you just have to live one more day….everyday!!!!

Go to top.

Hummmmm…….. Well there are many many many more situations that are more frustrating but I have put only the most obvious and most common observations that I have made!

I am not sure that all of these holds true in your life but one thing I am sure of is that at least some of the above things do!! Agree with me??

What is the Cure then? And Is there a cure to this at all?? Is it a pill or a liquid? Is it a drug? Is it a meditation technique? Is it a costly therapy?

Hold on… Before we think this, we should know few important things..

Special features of frustration:

• Frustration is an ever-following companion to each and every one of us.
• It is never partial about gender, status, money, physical strength or anything!
• Everyone are equal to frustration!!  The more you are capable, the more you get frustrated!!  ( Don’t be fooled by those who don’t show it or admit it )
• No matter what stage you are in life how rich, poor, strong, weak, happy, sad, lucky or unlucky you are… .Frustration will never leave you alone for long time!!
• Frustration is self-illuminant!! i.e, The more you think of frustration, the more you get frustrated!!
• The beauty of frustration is that sometimes you get frustrated because you don’t have any frustrations in your life!!
• If you are hit by frustrations, then you don’t want this life anymore and if there are no frustrations at all, your life is too easy to live!!
• Frustrations always have something to offer to us… but at their own cost… may be money, health, relationships and can cost even a life!! It can be yours or other’s !!

Go to top.

Antidote for Frustration???

Well……. The best possible remedy is when your problem gets resolved. I mean the root cause of the frustration itself is either eradicated or you accept it and it doesn’t bother you anymore! However, only few people are lucky and blessed to actually resolve the actual cause of frustration.

For most of the us, we end up either compromising or one more bigger and higer priority frustration comes up  whic makes us forget the previous one!! Isn’t it?

Most obvious answer you get from your friends and family is “Avoid the frustraton”, “Forget about it”, “Don’t take it too seriously”, “Don’t worry everything will be alright”, “Try to meditate”, “Concentrate on something else”, “Listen to some calm music”…. etc.. etc… etc…. Blaaa… Blaaaaaa….. blaaaaaaaa……

Yes… I agree that everything mentioned above are good but the question is How do we do it without getting distracted??  HOW??? HOW??? How???? 

By the way, if you try forgetting about it, its as good as escaping like a coward and not facing it!! Stuffs like smoking, alcohol and drugs doesn’t provide soultion but only will make you to forget it! Then it also gives rise to another type of frustrations which I am not going to discuss here!

Here are my ways to get along:

• Spit it Out…. but ‘Carefully’:  Believe me… The best way to get ‘instant-relief’ from any frustration is to share it with someone.  Share everything you feel without thinking what that person might feel. Be exxtra careful on the part that ‘someone’ should be either the one whom you trust your life with or a complete stranger who doesn’t even know your real name! (Online chatting friends!).  Most of these normal ‘friends’ would be glad to hear that you are frustrated and would surely lead you to a wrong path where you would suffer more!
• Make ‘Profit’ at present: When you know that you are spending so much of time, money, health and energy for it, make sure that you get something back after you reslove it! It can be money, friendship, trust, a good experience, satisfaction or whatever..
• Should be fruitful for ‘future’: Make sure that the frustration whic is troubling you gives you fruitful results in future. In this way, you can console yourself saying… “Ok..I am facing tough time now but atleast my future is going to be cozy”.
• Face it only ‘once’: Yup, when we resolve any frustration we have to be sure that this time should be the ‘last time’ we ever come accross the same frustration. One of the most dangerous things that could happen to you if you recall or face the same frustration again and again is that you may go in to depression because of it or develop a numbness towards progress.
• Purpose:  Mind you that frustrations are actually meant to make you strong and more flexible. Nothing in this world is worth taking the risk of your own life!
• Right Attitude:  Changing how you look at frustrations does matter. You should always know that if you are facing more frustration than others, it only means that your capacity to handle is more than them,
• Depend on ‘ACTION’ and not LUCK’:  Sometimes we feel that even luck picks its own favorites. We feel so jealous when we are watching our friends or opponents getting over their troubles by just being ‘lucky’ and without any difficulties or trouble.!  Remember:  Luck can always favor you. But don’t bind its hands.
• Luck can favor only those who take the first step of action. How can you expect a huge sum of money by lottery without buying a single lottery ticket till today??
• Accept what you are:  Sometimes, we have very huge expectation on ourselves. When we fall in to a frustration, our ego doesn’t allow us to know our true capacity. What? Am I so weak? Am I so stupid? Am I so ignorant? Am I so incapable?  Yes… You are all those… I mean..   Who has achieved great things wihtout being weak, stupid,ignorant and incapable at times???
• Make it temporary: ’Nothing is permanent’. When the most powerful and most desired blessing .. ‘Happiness’ itself is not permanent, how can this frustration stay for ever?? Frustration would be temporary but the lesson that you learn should stay for ever!
• Don’t loose relationships: One of the most crucial aspect is that when we are frustrated, we tend to show it off somewhere. Please for God’s sake choose a sand bag, a gym, an enemy or any empty space to put out your frustrations and not your loved ones. Only you are responsible for what you face. They can support you (if they wish) but don’t expect them to take your pains and sufferings!

Frustrations Are always expressed on Loved ones!

• My Best recommendation:  Think of the aftermath !:  No matter how frustrated you are. Take a deep breath and just think of what you want to when all this mess is cleared? Go to a trip with your family? Go on a jolly ride with Lover? Do some shopping? in this way, you are confident that its gonna get over anyway and you are also visualizing happiness (positive energy)!!
• Find your own way: After a small survey , I noticed that there are people who have different ways to tackle frustration like Crying out loud, Beating up a sand-bag, having sex and getting lots of orgasm, eating heavily, smoking, alcohol, drugs!!! etc…. But be sure to choose your way. One frustration should not lead you to another!!

I hope that this article was useful and that you have learnt something new today!!

-Shivanandana Hegde.          

‘Curious to Learn, Generous to Share!